Everything that is very typical for UK in one picture, Red bus, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, London Eye, Phone booth and a cab. haha Perfect! We went here the days just after the attack against Westminster. It was a tension in the air and many were silent in the area. It was very moving and hit me straight in the heart, feelings was felt. It was powerful to be there.
So as you can see from the title this will be about Cola, I will not tell anyone not to drink it or anything like that. I will only tell you Why I won’t be drinking it any more.
Today I had a can of Cola, regular. This will be the last drop of cola I will ever drink. The list to why I made this decision can be long and of course it is not healthy for anyone to drink it, but that’s up to everyone if you do or not. Now a day’s most people are aware that Cola has a lot of suger in it anyway and videos of boiling it has gone around the internet.
My biggest reason for this decision is because of anxiety.
I hadn’t had a Cola in two weeks before today, due to the fact that I hadn’t felt like having one, but today I though it would taste good so why not get one. I should not have done that. Just 20 min after finishing it I started to feel warm and my heart started to accelerate, thinking ‘oh no I hope I’m not getting sick’. Though I quickly figure out it is anxiety that I am feeling due to the suger and caffeine in the Cola.
To have anxiety is a part of my everyday life now, I have learnt how to live with it and not letting it stop me from doing the things I want to do. But it is still the WORST feeling ever, you have no control over it once it has started to take over your body and mind, you just have to wait it out. Sure I have my tricks today to help it pass faster and so but getting anxiety from suger and caffeine is something else. That is a physic reaction in the body and not in your mind, you have no control over that, you just have to wait it out. Sitting and waiting, feeling how your heart is beating hard out of your chest, getting warm and sweaty as this all makes you feel nausea, knowing no tricks will help it.
It is a horrible feeling, that I am well aware of.
Though not until today had I figured it was because of Cola that I had felt this way every now and then. I have been giving myself anxiety for years, just by drinking Cola. This is why I will stop today, I will never have another Cola in my life. I can not continue to do this to me now when I finally figured out one thing that gives me this feeling, and it is not in my mind.
Why do something when you know it makes you feel bad?
I chose Peace of my Mind before a can of Cola from now on!
So the first full they in London with mom and Eva we started by going to Hyde Park and just soak in the nature, sun and springfeelings that was in the air. It was so beautiful with all the flowers blooming and the many birds that lives in the park, being out and showing them self off almost. It was just so lovely ^^
I have the last couple of days been in London and met up with my mom and my sort of aunt, not married in to the family, no blood line either but she has been a part of the family for as long as I can remember. She is one of my moms oldest friends and so she is now a part of the family haha. I need to stop rambling on, haha.
We all got there on Friday but they arrived a bit before me, so when I finally got there we had lots of hugs and a little tears was seen. We went to a cozy restaurant named Cotê Brasserie, which has become to be one of my favorite places here in UK. They have a gluten free meny and are so professionell about allergies, which I love. I have always felt so comfortable going there, and being sure that I will not get sick by eating there. And that it is heavenly delicious is the biggest bonus of them all, the food is so good!
Me and mom <3
I have so many pictures and we did so many things these days that I will split it into many smaller posts through out this week. So bear with me and you shall see all the things we experienced, eat and did.
In the beginning of this month, me and some friends spent a day in the city center going to a food market, rowing match and the movie Logan. Just having a chill day, and I am so glad I got to join cus’ it ended being such energy boost, kind of day!
It was such a nice day, even though we got a bit of rain, we had most sunshine. It was a sweet day with great company. Thank you guys ^^
It is now at the middle of semester and the busies weeks has begun. It is panic, anxiety and the best time ever at the same time, It is true love and hate, but I will survive. Especially after yesterday when I got back a paper with the grade of A on it. I am soaring above the ground up in the sky among the clouds from the happiness and study boost I got from this. Yaay!
Soon it is weekend and tonight I will be going out with some Swedish friends that I met over here, food and drinks is what to expect. Celebration both my A and that is it St. Patrick’s day today, but also that we all met each other and just enjoy the evening. Other then that, my weekend contains of studying, keeping up the hard work and hope for more good grades.
Next week will be so lovely and amazing, starting with Amanda, also from Sweden, who was here last semester is coming back to visit and staying at my place for two night so it will be so much fun and wonderful to see her again! After that my mum and aunt (sort of) is coming to visit over the weekend and a bit more, we will met up in London. It will be so wonderful to have them here for five days, just to see them cus’ I miss home so much at this point. We will stay at a hotel, eat good food, drink nice drinks and do a lot of sightseeing as well. Planing to go to Camden Market, Westminister, Big Ben, Piccadilly, Oxford Street, Hyde Park and also seeing a rowing race on the Themes. So each day will need some planing to have time for it all. But I can’t wait, I am so excited.
Sadly there are some people who will not come to visit me, and that is sad. Some people have been saying they will most certain come and visit me, even if just for a couple of days. Though some have not even contacted me, to check my availability, so I know they will not come at all. I do not like people who say one thing and do another. That is not okey, and I build up hope about seeing some, then they don’t even text or talk to me for so long. Some people make an effort to keep in contact while some only talks to you when they want something from you. I am trying not to give it to much energy but that is easier said then do some days, with someones.
So I thought I would share with all of you a bit of what I been up to so far, except for studying of course.
Starting with that I finally bought the hoodie for Oxford Brookes Uni!
Then I found what I like to call, one of all the heavens on earth – The Amazing bookshop Blackwells, tre floors big! It is like going into a library, except it is a book shop. I was stunned.
I had delicious gluten free pizza with the lovely company of Annika.
Well now it is a while since I last wrote here, but I have my times when I write a lot and often and then times when it is less.
I am back in Oxford and have been here since middle of January, it is a different pace this semester compared to fall semester. This kicked in full speed just two weeks in the semester, so have had to really prioritize my time and even then have I felt really stressed out.
I get the work done but it is with a very heavy stone on my shoulders of anxiety. It is something that I have dealt with for a few years now so I have the tools to handle it, but it still always hit you right where it hurts. Before I can get control over it and get back to balance, it still effects me and I go back to old bad habits for a few days. Though I have lovely friends here, who I really can talk to and they give me a great support when I need it.
It is another thing with my flatmates this semester. Then go not help to ease my anxiety, then suck at cleaning after them self in the kitchen and even after they been doing the does in the bathroom. They just don’t respect other people, if this is ignorance or a culture aspect, I do not know, but it sucks and it is nasty. Not to mention, I could actually get sick if I get their leftover foods in my food, even small breadcrumbs can still damage my insistence, I have told them, but they still don’t clean after them.
Had to write some of my back, time to move forward and get back on track!
The end of november I put up this little light string in my room to get some Christmas feeling. I love it still so it will probably stay up just cus’ of the coziness it brings to my room. The school did their part as well with bringing Christmas spirit to school by putting up a big real Christmas tree in the entrance. My flatmate Jurgen hung up the most beautiful advent calendar for us in the flat to open a present every day until we all went home. It was such a cute thing to do and that made it feel like Christmas to me.
But before we got all 100% Christmas maniac, I got to be invited to my first ever Thanksgiving dinner by the lovely Elaine from US. She and some more made all this food over three days for a big group of us to enjoy with them. Making them feel like home even though they where far away. It was such a wonderful evening and the food was so amazingly good that all of us eat way to much, but that is apparently what you are supported to do hehe. Thank you Elaine and co!
Then it was finally time for First Advent. Christmas starting for real according to me and Annika haha. She arranged a glögg and Christmas party which I help her with. We baked german Christmas cookies all day long and had a blast. Made frosting and danced in the kitchen to Christmas music, it was a great day. ^^
I got a present from Annika as well. A delicious advent chocolate calendar!! THANK YOU!
I am in two choirs here at my uni in Oxford. One does classical music and for this end of semester we performed requiem op. 48. It was brutal but a beautiful piece of music and even better in a church like this(see pic).
Celebrated Salim who turned 22, you would never have guessed that right haha. It was a lovely evening fixed by Abdel and I am so glad I got to be a part of it and spend time with so many nice people. I have been so lucky this semester to have met all the wonderful and amazing people that I have, I really appreciate everyone of you!
Ended Fourth advent with making food again with Annika, but this time it was Swedish meatballs on the menu. It was so good it was almost as I was back home when I eat it. Haha.
The last morning before going home, we went to Cotê Brasserie for an proper English breakfast and it was so delicious. Extra point to them for having a menu with only gluten free foods.